WORSE THAN HEARING "YOU HAVE CANCER"

If I could find a way to make this page go completely black, I would.  I wanted to follow the lead of a few of the others and have the blog in black and white for the entire month of October.  I know me.  I will screw the whole thing up and then, I'll wind up wasting hours (more likely, DAYS) trying to fix the damn thing.  Today, I want it BLACK.

If you follow along regularly, my schedule is upside down.  Normally, I write each day.  When I started blogging, I realized I had to have something that would be consistent in my life.  Like a job.  I knew it was important to establish a routine. For right now and through the next couple of weeks, my writing may be a bit sporadic.  I've read all of the comments and for now, a blanket thank you for, as my mom said, having my back.  (I also understand there is an issue with the comments for some.  If you are in that "some" ... I don't know why that is happening but for the moment, if you want to leave a note, use the "anonymous" choice and leave your name in the comment if your intention is to NOT be anonymous.)

Sporadic writing, right.......I've had a number of unexpected curves thrown my way and each of them has consumed quite a bit of time.  Yesterday, the police were at the house taking a report about the mess that happened with my credit card in Texas.  Later, I have to contact the detective in Texas again to let him know what is happening.  Final paperwork for a company that has been closed has crossed my desk requiring my attention.  It's time consuming and for me, in my present brain state, a tad challenging.  Read:  This might have taken me an hour back in the good old days, and now?  It may take me days.  I can't blow it off.  I have a deadline on another project and I will be away for a couple of days next week. Sporadic writing, like I said....

I'm kind of emotionally destroyed anyway.  Last night, I began to see odd tweets from one of the bloggers, and tweets to her, too.  There is some distance between life and that breast cancer gig.  Like six years distance.....Many of her tweets are amusing (when she is talking about her kids) or edgy (when she sees something that might require a smack down).  I clicked a link when I saw something about surgery and it took me right to her blog.

I didn't get past the first part of the title before my neck just dropped and the tears fell instantly.  "The Blogpost I Never Wanted To Write......"  I am stunned and shocked and upset and frankly, I am in denial.  Six years out?  An early stage diagnosis?

The only words worse than, "You have cancer," are those I saw from Lisa last night.  "The cancer is back."  She is now metastatic.  Her breast cancer has spread to her bones.  I am saddened.  I am sick to my stomach.  I hate this f'ing disease.  HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT....

Lisa.... You are wrapped in love.  And you are surrounded by all of your #FearlessFriends.  Never ever forget that.....