Thursday, May 9, 2013

FOND FAREWELL TO HUGH SUTHERLAND


Everyone has been so incredibly kind and generous in giving of themselves when I reached out on behalf of Karen.  I wanted to take a moment to thank each and every one of you.  I knew Hugh was in the hospital for a night just days before his unexpected passing.  I've re-read the emails we exchanged and I cherish the words, "Hugh says hi."  I was concerned but I never expected to read the email that Karen later shared in the comments.

Karen has come to mean so much to many of us.  Yvonne said it best.  "I feel like she is a part of my family."  Me, too. The manner in which Hugh slipped away is eerily reminiscent of what happened back in July of 2007 when my dad died.  A little piece of my heart died that night in July and another little piece died on Friday night when I read Karen's email.  I know her words have impacted my mom.  She read them through her own tears, sharing with me, "I understand, I did exactly those same things.  I felt the same way."

I know he will be missed by many, and no one will miss him more than karen, TC.  You are cherished and treasured by many, karen and we are all holding you close in the days and weeks ahead.  xoxox

Hugh's obituary as it appears in the paper is below:

THE DAILY RECORD

Hugh James Sutherland

AGE: 69 • Morris Twp.

Hugh James Sutherland passed away Sunday, May, 5, 2013 in Morristown, New Jersey. He was 69. Hugh was born in Detroit, Michigan in 1943. He graduated from Henry Ford Community College in 1961 and Eastern Michigan University in 1965 with a degree in Marketing. He went on to law school and graduated from The University of Detroit Law School in 1973. Hugh had a long and distinguished career for over thirty years at AT&T as a manager, attorney and lobbyist. He started his career at Michigan Bell as a supervisor in telephone operations and moved to Bell Laboratories in New Jersey as an attorney in the late 1970's. He assumed a position as District Manager of External Affairs at AT&T corporate headquarters in New York City in the early 1980's and relocated to AT&T in Basking Ridge, New Jersey in 1984. He held various positions there in State Regulatory Matters and External Affairs. He retired from AT&T in 1998. 

Hugh was a true gentleman who adored his family. He loved sharing his great love of nature with his children and grandchildren, especially the moon and the stars. His daily walks at dusk with his beloved, Karen, with a stop at Starbucks was a given. Many a barista became a fast friend. Hugh was always up for a game of Scrabble and was a true New York Times crossword puzzle aficionado. He personified his appreciation for the simple things of ordinary days, living life with Karen in joy and contentment. His death leaves us bereft and lost; but the life he led shines a bright light that will help us find our way.

He is survived by his beloved wife of 46 years, Karen; his son, Adam and his wife Tina; his daughter, Sarah; his grandchildren, Brian, Rachael, Ashley and Alexandra; his beloved canine companion, Sadie; his brother, William and his sister, Janie as well as their families. Hugh was pre-deceased by his parents, William and Anne. He also had a special place in his heart for his surrogate granddaughter, Juliana, and her parents, Chris and Lauren whom he loved dearly.

A memorial to honor and celebrate Hugh's life will be held at a later date to be decided upon by his family. Memorial contributions in Hugh's name may be made to Hackensack University Medical Center Foundation with Multiple Myeloma in the memo of the check in order to designate the funds. The mailing address is 360 Essex Street, Suite 301, Hackensack, New Jersey 07601.

19 comments:

  1. I'm thinking of you, Karen, and your family. This is a beautiful description of going for coffee, playing games, and loving the simple things - all of which I can imagine him doing with you and your family. What a perfect way to be remembered.

    Holding you in my heart, Catherine
    (And thank you for sharing this, AnneMarie.)

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    1. Catherine,

      You are a constant source of comfort and support with your kind words and the observations you make....

      Thank you for being part of my world.

      Hugs,

      AnneMarie

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  2. Thank you for sharing this, AM.

    To Karen, I am wrapping my arms around you my friend. Sending comfort through the blogosphere to you and your family...I'm so, so sorry for this loss.

    xoxoxoxoxo

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    1. Renn...

      Your love and you passion jumps right off the screen in everything you write: comments or on your own blog and now, on twitter, too.

      So grateful for you friendship and the oceans of love you share with me.

      xoxox

      AnneMarie

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  3. I am heartsore at this news- prayers and love go out to Karen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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    1. Marie,

      You are a treasure to all of us. Thank you again and again and again for facilitating the sense of community shared among the bloggers and on twitter, too.

      Karen has one more source of support in the virtual community and it is vast because of everything you have done to bring us together...

      Much love,

      AnneMarie
      xoxo

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  4. Sending my condolences to Karen and family at this sad time of Hugh's passing. Thinking if you all. Takecare Becki xx

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    1. And you, Becki....

      I'm beyond touched that you have such deep compassion and have reached out to Karen, even as you have your own rather significant challenges.

      Know that we are all here for you, too...

      xoxox

      AnneMarie

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  5. oh, annemarie, i am so overwhelmed with this loving and kind post and your publishing hugh's obituary. what a comfort it is to know that so many of our dear friends will get to know a little more about the love of my life, my hugh. we are gathering stories and photos and lots of "hughisms" for our memorial gathering. here's one that really gave me a smile; whenever he was asked to set a date for getting together with friends or family he would say, "let me check with my bride." for 46 years, each time i heard him say that, it made my heart swell with how lucky i was to have him.

    the memories of your dad's passing, recounted by both you and your sweet mother - oh, how your hearts must ache. when hugh was dying, i FELT how hard it must have been to live that pain all over again, and how much you longed for it not to be happening. and i know our experience with such unthinkable loss opened up wounds for many people who suffered in the same way. i have spoken before about how paying witness to tragedy and the collective compassion and empathy that accompanies it, though it is heart wrenching, is never wasted. i truly believe that it all becomes a living enitity that surrounds us with a feeling of the most profound expression of humanity - LOVE.

    i hope that you, your mom, and all of the others who know the deep sorrow of loss can FEEL the love that has been wrapped around hugh, me, and our family is being returned, from us to all of you, with the deepest gratitude.

    i love and cherish you, annemaries, and bless the day i found you. i send you and your mom warm and gentle hugs - and i know that hugh is forever grateful to have been taken into so many loving hearts.

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOO,

    karen

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    1. With tears in my eyes, I can hear my dad saying, "Don't ask me, check with the boss."

      I bless the day you graced this space with your beautiful words and I know every person whose blog you visited feels the same way.

      xoxoxoxoxoxox

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  6. Karen, my heart hurts for you with this sad news. I wish there were words to make the hurt go away, and if there were, I would say them, over & over. I love, love, love reading your comments on everyone's blogs. It was apparent from the very first one I read that you are kind and special friend. Know that your blog friends are holding you close. xo

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    1. Dear Nancy,

      From you words, it's clear that Karen has reached so many people.

      It never dawns on me that there are people who read the blogs and the comments and are JUST AS MUCH A PART OF THIS COMMUNITY in silent support. I know there are many who can't / won't / don't write or leave comments and they are as important as those of us who do. I'm sure Karen has been surrounded by love and support of hundreds of people.

      Happy Mother's Day and lots of love,

      AnneMarie
      xoxo

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  7. Dear Karen,
    I haven't stopped by AnneMarie's site in several months, but something told me I needed to.My heart breaks for you. I'm going to venture to say that I know how you feel. It will soon be two and a half years since my precious James died, unexpectedly, the day after Christmas. Like you and Hugh, we had a deep and abiding love. A friend of mine said that James and I had it all. We had the romance and the relationship that all of us long for, but few of us ever experience. I'm still as crazy in love with James as I was the day I married him. He's always had the key to my heart, and now, he's taken it with him.

    When the shock and numbness wore off, one of the things that helped me most, was the Guided Imagery audios of Belleruth Naperstek, the founder of Guided Imagery. She is very well thought of; her voice is soothing, her images powerful and healing. I can't recommend them highly enough. She has several on Grief and different kinds of Trauma, which you have definitely experienced. The one that meant the most to me was Heartbreak, Abandonment & Betrayal. Your plans for how you imagined your life playing out have been taken away from you and on many levels, it is abandonment and betrayal of all you cherished and thought you knew. Should her audios be something that might interest you, here's a link to her site. You'll want to go to her Online Store. http://www.healthjourneys.com/Product_Detail.aspx?id=559&mcid=20&catid=

    Karen, I am a woman of great faith, and in my deepest, gut wrenching hours, that faith was all I had. I will ask God to bring you strength and peace in the coming months.

    Sending you love,
    Brenda

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    1. oh, dear brenda,

      thank you for your empathy - i know it comes from your heart with much sad history, the loss of your darling james. remember when i wrote to you, telling how i sometimes got so physically and emotionally tired that i could easily have been snarky to hugh - but that i remembered all you wrote about loving and losing your james, and it helped me be more patient, and take care of myself with the fatigue. you have always been so lovingly supportive. and i cannot thank you enough. i will definitely access the guided imagery audios - thank you so much for the link for the on-line store. one thing i have been doing is sitting quietly and mindfully at frequent intervals and just being with hugh, feeling his love for me, and letting him see and hear my love for him, walking in the park we both love so much with our sadie-girl, and talking to him about all the beautiful nature he and i enjoyed, and letting him know just being there is a comfort.

      i hope you are doing well, finding the path that gives you joy and fulfillment. know that i think of you often...

      ...with love and gratitude for being my friend,

      karen, XOXO

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  8. So deeply sorry ... Karen has been such a supportive person to us all. AnneMarie, thanks for your big heart that embraces all with love and compassion.

    To Karen if you read this: Sending you love and hugs. So deeply sorry to hear that Hugh has left this world. So very sorry... xoxo

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    1. dear eileen,

      how kind of you to reach out to me. i appreciate and i FEEL your love and your hugs. and it makes me smile if anything i have written to you was of even a little support. you write so beautifully - i love your blog! thank you for your sympathy and caring, eileen.

      love, XOXO

      karen

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  9. I tried to post at Renn's, but it didn't publish. Hope it works here.

    Dear Karen -

    I have loved your many comments over time and now I must reach out to you. My heart is breaking for you and when you signed your name, Mrs. Hugh J. Sutherland, I had a meltdown. I remember on my wedding day how proud I was to realize that I was Mrs. Les Hjelmstad. I still am. And now I see that same pride and infinite love in your signature.

    My daughter has been widowed twice so I have seen (not experienced) widowhood up close and personal, but thank you for so eloquently expressing how I anticipate it will be when I stand in your shoes after long years of marriage. I know you aren't trying to help any of us prepare for widowhood at this point, but I have copied and saved your words to hold in my heart.

    And to me your poignant signature has expressed your grief beyond any words.

    Please know that I hold you in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this most difficult transition and horrendous loss.

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    1. oh, lois

      the emotion i felt the night that i signed off with my married name truly was so exquistely painful, and somehow i felt that gesture would show just how much i loved hugh, and the depths of my grief, knowing he would never come home again. i am touched to the core that you understood the significance of it. now i know why women in other cultures keen, why they simply must raise their raw and heart-wrenched voices to spill out and upwards to the heavens, trying so desperately to express and expel such grief-ridden feelings. it feels like that would be a good thing to do - like on the morning i went to pick up hugh's ashes, and the sun was shining and birds were chirping and hundreds of people just went about their business, and i thought DON'T YOU KNOW THAT MY DARLING, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, MY HEART, MY LOVE IS GONE???

      i cannot imagine the pain your daughter has endured, being widowed twice, nor the pain you have suffered being witness to her unimmaginable losses. please tell her for me that i will hold her close to my heart, wishing her comfort. sometimes, there just are no words...

      thank you for your kindness and your sympathy, lois, and for thinking of me and praying for me. coming from your sweet heart, i know they will help me.

      love, XOXO

      karen

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  10. Dear Karen,
    I am honored to read about Hugh and what a wonderful man he was and I am honored that you have included me in your circle of friends. Multiple myeloma brought us together and I am thankful for that. Friendship (across the many miles) will keep us together.

    You have my sincerest sympathy and I am thinking healing thoughts for you.
    With love and friendship,
    Carole Leigh

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