AS TIME GOES BY

Many months ago, I mentioned that I participated in an online support group.  I "met" a group of women and long after I stopped using that support site, we remained in constant contact with each other.  We formed our own closed group.  We clicked.  And we stayed connected.  Eight of us.  NY, Boston, San Francisco, Seattle, Nebraska, Canada, Virginia and North Carolina.

We now talk on Facebook but when we first blazed the internet trail, we were right behind Al Gore.  (Didn't I read somewhere that he invented the internet?)  We shared happy things, held each other up through some rough times and THESE women were the first ones I turned to when I learned something was "not right" .....

I just realized, thanks to that relationship with those women, I have a written "diary" of every single thing, as it was unfolding.  Why is this important today?  It's not important for any of you, but it matters to me.

On July 27th, when I realized it was six years ago that I received my diagnosis, I was thrilled to share that the ENTIRE day went by and I completely forgot it was a "cancer date."  A rather HUGE one at that.... the "You Have Cancer" date is the line. THE Line.  For me, having twelve waking hours go by before I realized it was That Date signaled some form of growth. I'm still not quite certain on the actual growth, but..... it was oddly coincidental for me to see that the healthline.com blog list was posted on July 27.

I didn't know about this until yesterday, but the date is on the website.  In 2012, on a date that was likely the single most "destructive" date in my life, out of the pain and horror of a cancer diagnosis, actually, as a RESULT of the pain and horror of that diagnosis, there was a transformative moment.  Six years later.  Yesterday, I was elated.  On July 27, 2006?  This was what I shared with those to whom my soul was always bared:

I have cancer.  I HAVE cancer.  I can NOT believe I am saying this.  I may not get to put all the details out there right now, but, it is "invasive" in that it did not remain within the duct where the hyperplasia was located.

There are a couple of other things in the path report I'll share later
 or tomorrow.

The plan, first an MRI on 8/8 to make sure nothing else is lingering 
beyond what was removed (and had clean margins).  Then, a sentinel node
 biopsy on 8/21 to make sure it hasn't gotten to my lymph system.

Then, radiation to either the breast or the entire body*** ......
Chemotherapy is a big question mark to be decided by the oncologist.  I
 will probably opt for prophylactic mastectomy before chemotherapy but 
that's all for another conversation.  Will be going for BRCA testing
, too.  I am going to request the surgeon set up an appointment with a 
genetic counselor.

I am FINE.... probably in denial, but, for this moment, at least, I'm 
fine.

Love to all, 
AnneMarie

***I knew it was radiation to part of the breast or the entire breast... not my entire body... Notice, too, how I was so willing to sacrifice my body to buy my way out of chemotherapy.  I KNOW that was all about the fear of losing my hair (which many of you already know I didn't lose).  Also, in prior messages, I had revealed every nuance in the reports from the original mammography and sonogram, the core biopsy and the stereotactic biopsy, too.  We had already begun our own seminar on "how to read a pathology report"  .....  And we were damn good, too!

And that is how it all began.  The educating began months prior but the real hard work began right after those words were typed.  

Then and now.  What a difference six years makes.......