Monday, August 29, 2011


It started with an earthquake and ended with a storm that is still wreaking havoc where I live.  As of 8PM last evening the wind was still whistling through the trees.  My neighbor’s monster tree is huge and scary when it starts to sway. 

The earthquake rattled my brain and it is still the EF/AD tag team brain.  Preparing for Irene kicked in the distraction and amp’d up the ADD…. too much to do, lists all over the place (which I am still finding buried underneath other stuff) AND a deadline.  There is no way to figure out and then, actually IMPLEMENT a “work around” unsolution for something only happens (in my life) every twenty years. 

Waiting and watching and having my ipad sound a notification “alert for severe weather” every twenty minutes?  Enter OCD and the need to set the map in motion so I can watch the bands of green, yellow and red moving across the screen over a pin that marks the exact geographic coordinates of the precise location not only of my home but also the room in which I am seated.

The first time I set the map in motion, I thought my brain was messing with me AGAIN.  Wait….. the weather in New York moves from west to east.  That would be left to right on the screen.  I’m already having this left right, north south, map reading “thing” so my head was spinning.

Irene was spinning and she was spinning  my head.  What the hell????  The weather was moving across the screen the wrong way….  What is going on?  Stupid iPad.  Does this thing have to be turned the right way to display the map properly??  It took my damn brain far longer than it should have to realize a hurricane moves THE WRONG WAY.  And That Is A Massive Understatement.

Irene put me into this “Hurry Up and Wait” mode.  And wait and wait and wait some more.   Too many people, all reporting the same thing.  Indulge me while I share some of the silly, some of the stupid and some of the annoying. 

First of all, to the two morons who thought it would be a great idea to kayak in the water as the storm was approaching: Did it occur to you the NYPD Harbor Patrol was unnecessarily in harm’s way thanks to your stupidity.  IF I had a loved one in that unit, I’d be hunting these two down to give them a piece of my mind.

The word “hunker” was spoken about a million times more than necessary and it’s a stupid word.  It just sounds like something dumb.

The first few times it didn’t have any affect on me, but as Irene got closer to New York, every time I heard a reporter ask, “What’s the situation at the Jersey Shore?” I began to laugh.  Thank you, MTV.

I’m smarter than I think.  For whatever reason, I decided to turn the fridge and freezer dials to their coldest settings.  About five minutes later, that “tip” was being shared on TV by a reporter.  Maybe I’m really not so smart and perhaps I heard this mentioned during my preparation commotion…. CB makes me question everything.  When I finish putting away all the flashlights and candles and paper goods, I will probably find a post it note about the fridge dials.

Food in a packed freezer will remain frozen for two days.  If the freezer is only half full, it will only remain frozen for a day.  Wonder if that was propaganda put out by the power companies trying to avoid having to listen to everyone bitchin about the amount of food that had to be tossed?  It’s the cynic in me….

The satellite TV picture pixelates and freezes about five minutes before the lightning arrives.  It’s my own personal NOAA radio.

Speaking of these radios, it's IM-f'ing-POSSIBLE to sleep knowing there was a tornado warning until 5AM.  Want proof.  Too many people were posting on Facebook at 2AM.  Too many OLD people.  And, while I'm at it, I must remember to differentiate from a watch and a warning where the weather is concerned.

The ONLY piece of information that wasn’t something being repeated ad nauseum was buried in a news crawl:  “More people are being affected by this storm than any other hurricane to hit the US. EVER.”  She’s still going strong somewhere in Vermont and that little nugget was on the screen over 24 hours ago.

When the power finally went out, why did l continue flipping switches Every Single Time I walked into a room…. Sometimes, I used the flashlight to flip the switch.  Duh?  That's got nothing to do with CB... I know. It's just the way it goes.   

Nothing more annoying than listening to my neighbors’ generators once plunged into darkness. It’s fun and funny for about 15 minutes.  The generator hum sounds very haughty when you are sitting in darkened silence. Give me back those idiots telling me about the situation and to hunker down.

Wait, I take that back.  Equally annoying as the generators?  Watching the trucks from the power company drive right by your home toward someone else’s situation.

Watching a big, fat RAT walk across the patio was pretty disgusting......

When I went outside this morning, it was downright frightening.  Surrounding my home are no less than eight downed trees accompanied by swinging power lines.  I could throw a rock and hit each one of these trees.  They are all huge.  Two or three blocks away, even more trees and downed wires.

As we drove out of the neighborhood to go check on family, I could not believe the mess.  In a 15 minute drive, I think I saw a minimum of 50 or 75 toppled trees.  We were on heavily wooded roads and we were driving through, around or backtracking because of the damage.  Every so often the wind would kick up.

Maybe we should have just stayed put?  Were we still supposed to be hunkering???  No, I believe the correct terminology is “hunkered down.”   In hindsight, driving around was probably not the greatest idea.  I may have been just a notch or two below the kayaking idiots.  Best line of the 200 hours of television?  And, I guess the guy was talking to me…..

“You can always tell a New Yorker, you just can’t tell ‘em anything.”

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