HELP ME RALLY BEHIND SOMEONE IN NEED

I am worried.  I'm VERY worried.  When I began this blog, I decided to leave the comments section open.  In other words, there would be no "comment moderation" because, frankly, I didn't trust myself to review the comments in a timely fashion.  I also decided not to use those "prove you're human" letters.  Lastly, I allowed anonymous comments.

I wanted this blog, if anyone ever began to read it, to be as user friendly as possible.  I wanted interaction and I wanted anyone and everyone to feel this would be a safe place.  Very public, but still, SAFE.  When an anonymous comment is left, there is no way for me to track the commenter.

Most of the times there were anonymous comments, they were attacks directed at me because someone held a differing point of view.

Yesterday that changed and I am upset.  This comment was left on yesterday's blog:

"If I had known then what I know now about chemo brain and my loss of career coupled with the severe pain of 24/7/365 for over 2 years of periferal neuropathy I would have not had ANY treatment. I would have racked up a huge credit card bill and traveled all over the world. Now, I'm a burden to my family, cannot drive, have all sorts of pain and get lost all the time when I try. I cannot perform my career so I cannot earn money so we are worse than broke. We cannot survive on one income. We needed mine. I'm looking for a way to end it all. I'm thinking pills will be the best way."

I don't know who wrote this.  I don't know how to get in touch with this person.  In fact, I have no way of knowing where she (if indeed it's a woman) lives.  She may be in the US or she could be elsewhere in the world.  She could be in an area where there isn't the same array of care that is available in and around the larger cities.  I just don't know anything and I feel helpless.

All I have is this computer screen and my words.  And yours, too.  I hope that whomever wrote this is continuing to read the blog and will see this and will reach out to me... to her doctors...... to a support hotline......  or anywhere else you may suggest.

A personal note to anonymous:

My dearest friend,

Yes, you are a friend.  My friend.  I have bared my soul in many places on this blog.  What I have held back, I have done for the privacy of others.  And now, you have bared your soul to me..... and to those who read this blog.  We are connected.  We are friends.

I want to help.  I don't know how I can help but I hope you will get in touch with me so we can figure it out.  Together.  I can't possibly know how you are feeling but I can offer my shoulder.  I can provide emotional support to help steady your step.

I hear you when you say you feel you are a burden to your family.  I would imagine your family might feel differently and that they would be devastated if you chose to take drastic measures thinking you would be easing their burden.

Please, please consider contacting me.  I will protect your privacy and I respect your need to remain anonymous but please know you are NOT alone.  I am here.  I am listening.  I want to find ways to help you both emotionally and practically.

My heart aches for you.  Those who read this blog would all say the same.  WE will support you.  We will hold you up. Please stay in touch.  Please let me, let US help you in whatever ways we can.

I send love,

AnneMarie  (email anncicc@gmail.com)


I did not see this comment until many hours after it was left on yesterday's blog.  I began checking my email frequently, hoping to find a message.  Instead, I found ANOTHER email and I'm asking each and every one of you to please hold someone who has come to mean the world to me very close in your thoughts.  This is part two of what turned into a very upsetting day for me.  I do not want this to overshadow the need I feel for all of us to rally behind my anonymous commenter.  By the same token, my emotions are raw and I am stunned by the cruelest turn of completely unrelated events.

Many months ago, a social media pal reached out to me.  A co-worker was just diagnosed with breast cancer and I was asked if I would talk to her.  I have spoken to many people over the past several months, but this relationship was very different.  We have spoken many, many times since her diagnosis.  What began as a conversation about "lumpectomy vs. mastectomy" soon turned into a very different situation.

After a number of consultations, it was determined that chemotherapy should be done before surgery.  Then, taxol and there were issues with that......  At one point, there was a hospitalization because of heart issues.  Just before the storm hit, we were discussing the surgical options and there was an issue with types of surgery and then, a problem with cardiac clearance.  We were scheduled to speak yesterday.

When I say that NOT ONE SINGLE thing has gone smoothly for this person, it's a massive understatement.  She was the person who needed a third opinion EVERY TIME something was presented.  The second opinion was so different from the first, a third doctor was called upon each time.  We would then discuss all of the opinions so she could navigate the maze and decide upon the best possible treatment for her circumstances.

Her surgery was scheduled for November 29th.  Yesterday, I was hopeful she would obtain the cardiac clearance which was the only obstacle to the surgery.  Our last conversation was via email because of my ongoing phone issues and then, the holiday thrown into the mix.  I was anxious when I didn't hear from her, wondering if yet another medical issue was throwing a monkey wrench into what has become a rather complicated treatment plan.

I emailed her in the wee hours of the morning on Friday suggesting we might talk on Saturday.  My son stayed here for a few nights but I was sure I'd be able to manage some alone time.  She replied to me saying that I should try to relax and enjoy my time with my family which is "number one priority."  She then added that her two sons were with her and it was great to share time with them.  We would talk on Monday.

Her younger son turned 25 years old on Wednesday.  The day before Thanksgiving.  He died in a car accident some time on Friday in the hours after she told me how great is was to be spending time with both of her sons.

One of her friends sent an email on her behalf to a number of people.  I was included in that email.  It simply included information about a service that is being held this evening.  I believe the funeral is tomorrow.  Beyond that, I'm speechless.  And, my heart hurts.

Although she doesn't read this blog, I still want to say to my friend:

"My heart is shattered.  I don't know what I can possibly do to help you, especially since we are 1200 miles apart.  Still, I'm here.  I'm always here.  And, I love you."