Thursday, August 9, 2012

KOMEN -- CANCER -- CUPCAKES

"A diagnosis of breast cancer is a health crisis for a woman; however breast cancer is more often portrayed as a cosmetic crisis."

"One is victimized not by a disease, but by its cosmetic consequences: the threat of a desexualized body."

Those words can be found in the research of Lisa R. Rubin and Molly Tannenbaum in a study they published in March of 2011 in a quarterly newsletter.  They are members of the Society for the Psychology of Women.  They are both working in NYC.  I found out about their research by way of South Africa.

"Does That Make Me A Woman?" can be found online at Sage Publications.  The focus of the article is the manner in which we make the choice regarding reconstructive surgery post mastectomy.  While the researchers were focused on the lesbian and bisexual community, they realized the decisions and their underlying reasons were common among all women.  In other words, Society.  And yes, the Pink Ribbon.

Last night, there was another shake up at Komen.  Nancy Brinker is stepping down at CEO.  So are a few other top people whose names, frankly, mean nothing to me.  Is this damage control thanks to the latest black mark against their skewed statistics?  Probably.  I seem to recall they had more than one PR firm on retainer.  My guess?  The guys who are in charge of keeping Komen on a short leash with a low profile suggested this pre-emptive strike.  I'm jaded.  I'll be the first to admit that to anyone.  People, especially those in very high places, don't just step down.  And really, is this a true shake-up?  One can hope but again, it doesn't matter.

What matters to me?  This is a disease, damn it..... My friend, Donna has a great suggestion for dealing with those who persist in making breast cancer into some sort of a game.  She has the charts from the CDC for cancer incidence and cancer deaths.  Pass the charts around at these events where there is a festive atmosphere.

Kel is a mets patient who has the first links to the Komen "shake up" on her blog.  Donna is a mets patient with lots of insight and great observation.  Ann is a mets patient with lots of snark and she was the first one who found this little gem of an event.  Cupcakes for Breast Cancer.   It was blogged about a few times.  Alli's version is here.  I left a comment underneath the news article.  Of course, those of us who tried to politely point out this was not a great idea (nor, for that matter were any of us happy with the $3.00 donation to Komen) were once again accused of sitting on the sidelines just waiting to hurl hate.  I don't sit on the sidelines.  I ACT on what I know to be the right thing.

This is wrong....

The bottom line?  Really????  Java Jugs, Tangerine TaTa's,  Mango Melons....  Come ON.  Surely I'm not the only one with a sophomorically perverse mind.  I can see how this could get very much like a Girls Gone Wild thing using the cupcakes to ... never mind.........  I just want to know this.  Would it be okay to have a similar cupcake extravaganza for testicular cancer?  Yeah....Didn't think so.....

It all boils down to this.  The mets patients are staining the ribbon because they are ruining the whole illusion of hope thing.  The REST of us?  The blood on that ribbon is a direct result of every one of us who isn't willing to open up our mouths.  There's no need to be bold or brash or brazen or militant.  If one person in the vicinity of that bakery can walk in that door, ever so quietly and look down at her chest and then at those cupcakes and THEN into the eyes of just one of the party animals and in a tiny voice simply say, "This hurts me," maybe ONE person will be made wiser.  Or, if they have a heart, they will think twice and maybe even feel badly.  Or not.  But your words will remain with that one person.  No need to roar or make a scene.  Using our little voices, we may start to turn this tide.

Who's up for the challenge?  Cupcake Social.  Midland, Michigan.  Saturday.  The Gourmet Cupcake Shoppe on S. Saginaw Road.  I'm not looking to hurt the woman who's heart is clearly in the right place.  How about just making regular old cupcakes and sending the money to a worthy cause within the community.  A quick google search turned up a non-profit facility where this money might be sent.  The donor gets to designate which program gets the money......  Be community minded.

Each one of us can do one small thing.  Together, we can be part of a grand change.  First, we have to get on the same page and start getting others to understand it's really not okay to walk around eating Jugs or TaTa's or Hooters.  It's GREAT to eat cupcakes.  And it's great to send money to an organization where you know exactly what will be done with that money.

I don't think this is so far fetched.  I'm Fearless.  Anyone care to stand beside me?  It's all in the little things.

16 comments:

  1. Some of those names are pretty offensive anyway. Would we allow our children to use those terms to describe women? Probably not, so why is it okay to use them to describe cancer efforts?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What an excellent point! WE all understand why this is offensive (at least those who continue to read my rambling rantings)..... WOULD WE allow our kids to speak like this??? I have a grown son (much as I HATE to admit that....damn kid ages me). I am SURE he has moments like these with his buddies but I can assure you, I know my kid. Those moments are behind closed doors with the guys, goofing around and when that door is opened, he KNOWS what it means to be respectful of women. And he is.

      So yes.... someone please Riddle me this: Why IS it okay to accept THIS as "fun" when we would be highly offended if we walked into a room where this was just being done FOR FUN?

      THANKS for pointing that out!!!

      Delete
  2. If I lived in MI I would join you. Well said. We as cancer fighters and survivors need to start speaking up rather than just shake our heads in silence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Barb!!

      I really hope this thought gets planted into the head of ONE brave woman who is in the vicinity. No need to make a scene. Honestly. The best points are often made with the smallest action in the most unobtrusive manner.

      Each of us can do just one small thing in our own communities. Heaven knows there are no shortage of these types of "events."

      Silent head shaking hasn't gotten us very far.

      Nice to see you here.... in my "room" as much as I enjoy trading thoughts on twitter!

      AnneMarie

      Delete
  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FYI... the removed comment was SPAM with a link to some crazy website having nothing to do with any of this or anything pertinent to this blog. Just wanted to be clear that I wasn't moderating things. That's not my style.

      AnneMarie

      Delete
  4. Last christmas my mother in law ask me if I would mind if she offer me "the nice pink scarf from Avon". I said "No thank you I have pleny scarfs" First bravo to her that she ask me first, after 25 years she is starting to know me better, she does buy a lot of Avon products but I think she heard me talking about the pink stuff and hesitate before buying this one. She answer me "but there is a $$ (amount)going to the research".

    "If you want to give some money to the research, why don't you just give the entire amout you want to spend directly to an organism like the Canadian Cancer Society?" They fund research and do a lot to help cancer patients, and I personnally used their services... She open her mouth like she had never thought of that.

    More recently I was close to her and hear a conversation between her and one of her friend about not buying pink stuff and knowing where the money goes, etc., and she was good.

    But the pink activities will come back in september, and I know I will have to put on my warrier hat again. Lots of people don't know, we do, we need to tell them about all this.

    Thank you for sharing AnneMary, great post!
    Take care, Suzanne

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Suzanne....

      I'm glad to call you my friend and I'm so glad that it happened in such a "coincidental" way!

      Yes, the pink will return. It's August. We should start seeing the stuff hit the shelves shortly...... UGH.

      xoxox

      Delete
  5. AM -- you're far more gracious than may be deserved here. I've seen the FB responses from the Gourmet Cupcake Shoppe and their tone is very dismissive and defensive -- even going so far as suggesting that people outside of their community should mind their own business. Maybe Komen has turned the water pink in Texas? ; )

    In any case, Komen aside, I don't think they understand how offensive the Boobcakes are. Don't get me wrong; there's a market for them --- they're fine for a bachelorette party, or to celebrate a friend's *elective* breast augmentation, but using them as a vehicle to specifically raise money for breast cancer is simply not well thought out. I think there's some ego going on here because it's like the kids who whine, "but so-and-so's mother is letting themmmm goooo!" so that should make it okay. It's not.

    Completely different circumstances, but even with the whole fiasco with The Gathering Place and Angelo Merendino's exhibit --- he was the first to acknowledge that if his images upset one person that was one too many -- and here is a man who created a beautiful legacy to his wife.

    I just think greater sensitivity is needed here. Make pink cupcakes. Reserve the Boobcakes for special orders; don't use them to promote a breast cancer fundraiser; Consider directing the funds to Susan Love Army of Women or Breast Cancer Research Foundation (BCRF). There is NO SHORTAGE of viable solutions being presented here!

    Finally, a few people commented that kids wouldn't get away with using these references so it is *really* sending the wrong message!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BA...
      Yes, sensitivity. Yes, a time and a place. Sorry that people do not realize THIS is what grass roots means. THIS is how KOMEN started. If the "grass roots groups" are still perpetrating the sexualization of the disease.... are still allowing people to turn us into a brand "for profit" ..... we are getting no where. And we will get no where. We will just continue to be "insane" ... Let's just do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. Ummmm, yeah, not so much...

      Always love to see your comments!

      Delete
  6. Thank you. I don't live in Michigan so can't join you for cupcakes. I couldn't believe it when I saw the flyer.

    I commented on the shop's FB page, but got nowhere. Carrie refuses to see how naming a cupcake with the word Jugs is offensive. She doesn't care that it is also a porn magazine name.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Porn magazine.... UGH. This just shows me there is MUCH to be done if we are ever going to change the face of this disease and turn it back into a disease that needs to be addressed rather than a pink party glorifying parts that many of us have amputated or surgically altered.

      Thanks, Susan.... I appreciate you jumping over here from FB!

      AnneMarie

      Delete
  7. The pink has returned in full force. My mailbox is bombarded daily with new catchy things that women should buy to support the cause.
    I showed a friend who's mother was diagnosed with an early cancer. I thought she and I were on the same page. I sent her the article to read on Facebook. She read it sent me a comment back. Oh alli this is great I love this. great names!! I was flabergasted!! I said say it isn't so. Would you want your moms breasts compared to Hooters Tata's Jugs?? She said I was a stickinthemud!!
    Well you can win everyone over .. *sigh* what more can one say??
    Love Alli XXX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And THERE you have it, Alli.... In a nutshell...... We are all different in what we find acceptable and what we find offensive. The bottom line? I have NO idea where the bottom line is in this entire thing but clearly (as you had described in your FIRST HAND experience), some people think this is ok. I don't know how. Or Why... but we can surely keep opening our mouths and making them think. And maybe we need more things like The SCAR Project and Angelo Merendino's photos to be front and center.....

      I LOVE the two sentences at the beginning of this post. They are brilliant. The entire piece is brilliant. And it's true. It's not a disease, it's a party.... Until it's not. And too many times, the party becomes a funeral..... How did we get to this point? *Sigh* and UGH.

      xoxo

      Delete
  8. If you haven't seen the pictures of the nipple cupcakes, please go to the Gourmat Cupcakes Shoppe. They are more disgusting than I thought. I keep trying to give Carrie Fisher the benefit of the doubt, but now that I have seen the cupcakes, I think she is a pig.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I saw them, too. And was really disturbed by them.... I don't know how we are ever going to stop those who persist in sexualizing what is a DISEASE if women with breast cancer think this is a joke, too. Uphill battle but I can assure you I'm not afraid of the climb.....

      Hall of Shame page is in order.....

      Delete

Something to add? Do Share!