EXHALING-WITH GOOD RESULTS!!

Yesterday, my photo contribution  to Catherine Brunelle's new website was given a shout out on twitter.

It was appropriately timed.  My Petrified Survivor Self Portrait.  Waiting for test results.

October was doctor month.  I don't do scans.  It's bloodwork, it's tissue samples, it's a skin check and for the bonus round, this year, it was a colonoscopy.  In April, I will have doctor month again.  They are at six month intervals.  This April, I expect there will be an MRI to make sure those implants are not leaking.  And more bloodwork and still more tissue samples.

Thanks to the unknown nature of my BRCA mutations, I am considered at risk for breast cancer (been there, done that, I'll pass on round two if you don't mind), ovarian cancer (removed them, too), colon cancer (skipped my scheduled two year follow up due to another surgery), MELANOMA!?  Who the hell would have thunk that one?? (had two suspicious "things" already removed-this was the first time I walked away with, "see ya next year")

Not on the menu?  Cervical Cancer.  That just happened all on its own.  A whole separate issue.  I don't think I was 6 months clear of the breast cancer debacle when I entered gynecological hell.  Every three months.  Monday night, I finally pulled out the pathology report that started this episode.  The initial report from over two years ago.  The one that put me back into an operating room for a surgical biopsy and ultimately, the complete hysterectomy.  It was scary. "High grade" and "can't rule out glands" and a mess of other things that sounded very ominous.

Atypia despite risk reducing surgery???  ARE you KIDDING ME???  Must I ALWAYS pull the frikken short straw? Perspective.  My shit has all been fixable.  Scarring emotionally, physically but still, Fixable.  Still.  Again?  Several samples taken and sent to the skilled pathologists in the labs at MSK.  What began on October 31, "There were abnormal cells" was brought to a conclusion last evening when the doctor said,

"Everything is BENIGN."

One month in "Waiting Sucks Hell" and I'm free for SIX months!  NOT ONLY did I get GOOD results, it didn't alter my six month doctor plan either!!

I was jumping all over the place, Gaga blasting "I'm on the edge of glory......." and a gigantic ALL CAPS TWEET ABOUT GOOD RESULTS, NO CANCER, IT'S BENIGN.

So, for everyone who was sending thoughts, vibes, prayers, sticking pins in voodoo dolls, burning candles, crossing fingers, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

And for everyone who took the time to send me a tweet when I sent my shriek tweet THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

I was expecting bad news.  I was prepared to hear bad news.  I also knew I would NOT be able to man up and sit back at the oncology table for a plateful of chemotherapy and/or radiation.  Surgery?  No problem.  Put me to sleep and do what you want.  That other stuff.  I just finished a five year marathon and I KNOW I did not have it in me to enter the iron man competition.


My November 30th post is officially complete.  This is just a postscript.  It's the October/November postscript.
When I got off the phone, I jumped into my car, late for my weekly yoga session, how fitting to hear this very poignant song.  I was instantly reminded of how we carry each other.  You carried me.  And I will be there to do the same should you need me.  It always brings a tear to my eye.

Last night, it created quite a flood.....

The road is long

With many a winding turn

That leads us to who knows where

Who knows when

But I'm strong

Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

So on we go

His welfare is of my concern

No burden is he to bear

We'll get there

For I know

He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness

That everyone's heart

Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another

It's a long, long road

From which there is no return

While we're on the way to there

Why not share

And the load

Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother